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Setting the divorce tone in initial conversation

The decision to end a marriage is often one that is only arrived at after a great deal of reflection and consideration for couples in Illinois. Once that decision is made, a person who has decided to seek a divorce may often feel like he or she must gear up for battle. However, the process does not have to be contentious, and many people choose to set the tone of the events that are to follow in the initial conversation about their decision.

There is often a need to soften the blow of a person's announcement to his or her spouse regarding the desire for a divorce. Several considerations may be able to help the person receiving the news fully process it. For example, because it is an extremely sensitive conversation, it is necessary to put some thought into where the conversation occurs. If a couple is in therapy, having the conversation with the therapist may be helpful. Ensuring that there is privacy -- including avoiding having the conversation at a restaurant or when the children are in the next room -- can also aid in the facilitation of calm conversation.

The announcement of the desire for a divorce is not the time to try to lay blame. While some professionals recommend using unambiguous language to ensure that the other spouse does not leave the conversation with false hope of a reconciliation, leveling accusations likely will not help ensure a smooth process. Also, discussing details of where the children will spend the holidays and other specifics may be better left until the other partner has had an opportunity to process the information.

Though there are misconceptions that a divorce is always contentious with battles over child support and custody, spousal support and asset divorce, there does not have to be. Couples who are willing to work cooperatively together to make the transition as smooth as possible for themselves and their children may be more able to work toward everyone's best interests. This attitude, along with an experienced attorney who can help guide the process, can make the path to the next stage in life as painless as possible for couples in Illinois.

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